Forgiveness

Lord, help me to be a forgiving person. Show me where I am not. Expose the recesses of my soul so I won't be locked up by unforgiveness and jeapordize my future. If I have any anger, bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness that I am not recognizing, reveal it to me and I will confess it to you as sin.

Specifically I ask you to help me full forgive myself. Make me to understand the depth of your forgiveness and assist me so that I do not hold back forgiveness from others.I realize that forgiving others doesn't make them right; it makes me free. I also realize that you are the only one who knows the whole story and you will see justice done.

Help me to forgive myself for the times I have failed. And if I have blamed you for things that have happened in my life, show me so I can confess it before you. Enable me to love my enemy's as you have commanded in your word. Teach me to bless those who curse and persecute me. (Matthew 5:44-45) Remind me to pray for those who hurt or offend me so that my heart will be soft towards them. I don't want to become hard and bitter because of unforgiveness.

Make me a person who is quick to forgive.Lord, show me if I have any unforgiveness toward my mother or father for anything they did or did not do. I don't want to shorten my life by not honoring them and breaking this great commandment. And where there is distance between me and any other family member because of unforgiveness, I pray that you would break down that wall. Help me to forgive every time I need to do so. Where I can be and instrument of reconciliation between other family members who have a broken or strained relationship, enable me to do that.I don't want anything to come between you and me Lord, and I don't want my prayers to become hindered because I have entertained sin in my heart. I choose this day to forgive everyone and everything, and walk free from the death that unforgiveness brings.If any person has unforgiveness toward me, I pray you would soften there heart to forgive me and show me what I can do to help resolve this issue between us. I know that I cannot be a light to others as lonf as I am walking in the darkness of unforgiveness. I choose to walk in the light as you are in the light and be cleansed from all sin. (1 John 1:7)In your name I pray ~Amen~

I have really been dealing with the power that unforgiveness brings and the way it has hindered my life as well as my walk with God. Oddly enough the hardest person to forgive has been myself. We ask God for forgiveness and yet we still hold on to our own sin. We allow our choices to build up and use guilt as a tool to keep us away from the presence of God.

"Put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and...put on the new man which was created according to God in true righteousness and holiness." Ephesians 4:22-24It's a very difficult task, forgiveness but what an awesome release when we have perfected it. Anyway-I just wanted to share in case someone reading may be dealing with the same.

Word To The Wise

You keep coming to me like this
Broken and weak
I have taught you better
Do not embrace defeat

My word will give you direction
Why don’t you just take heed
Listen closely to your heart
In it you will find me-BELIEVE!!

On your knees you pray
You seek my face
You walk away
And dry your tears

In an instant I find
After you finally confide
You conform to the ways
That I hate

It’s simple really TRUST in me
It is in the renewal of your mind
The love you seek you will find in me
Vickiey-You MUST give it time

You have been broken I know
But peace exsists
You just have to be patient
You’ll see-
That the very things you are searching for
YOU WILL ONLY FIND IN ME!!!!

I Dare You To Live With A Passion For Your Life!!!

Most of you know the repetitive anguish that has happened seemingly on a continual basis the last few months.
It has been very difficult, almost impossible to keep my head up and if I do it’s only for a moment. I still wake up, make jokes, act like myself but for the one’s who truly know me; know the heartache each incident has caused.
Broken is the only way to explain in one word how I feel. I consider myself to be a pretty strong woman-I have always tried to remind myself that the word says "The sufferings of the present time will not compare to the glory that is to be revealed to us." There are times however when those words don’t matter.
I get angry and frustrated-I want to give up and walk away from this life all together because I don’t understand it. I want to stand on the tallest mountain and scream WHY???? so loud that God will have to answer me to get me to shut up!
I get anxious and I fear a phone call or a knock at my door-I fear my health on a daily basis-fear fear fear-I go through all of this-but at the end of the day I seek truth and I seek reason. "Lean NOT to your OWN understanding"
That’s a little hard at times because I’m impatient I want to know now!! I want a reason and I want to be justified in some way or another. I don’t want people to think ill of me I want them to know the truth!!! So when do you start caring what God thinks of you and becoming satisfied with that?I’m here today to simply state a few things.

This is based on Proverbs 15:15 (look up "evil foreboading") and then the book of Psalms where David continues to pray for mercy chapter after chapter~and can’t we ALL relate to that??!!

Living with negative, critical and threatening feelings will always- no matter what steal your joy. If you live in the "what’s the next bad thing that’s going to happen" mode you are doomed for failure EVERY time!!!
You are preaching to the choir here-I know about anxiety and fear. Fear for tomorrow, fear for today, anxiety has ruled my life for quite a while now. As believer’s we are programmed to believe that Satan is the direct cause of all bad things that happen...in area’s that is true...in other’s it is not. Things just happen! When you choose to live your life for Christ and I never understood this until now-when you choose to live your life for Christ I think we just notice more. If we didn’t notice,we would have no one to blame therefore at times putting a wedge in between yourself and God saying "well everytime I get closer to Him I get hit" Do you realize that JOY does not come from circumstance? Satan believes if he can steal your joy than he’s won because it is that joy that determines your strength.

Living everyday in the what if’s steals your joy. Questioning what’s going to happen next-steals your joy. Being anxious about everything-steals your joy. So why bother? I had a very good friend of mine write to me sometime ago (Wes) and he said "Maybe God placed you in that school to save a life and maybe your job is done there and he has something else for you to do." He said "I challenge you to think on this level" I have clung to that statement from that moment on and looking back at all the ridiculous things I have encountered I see where God has worked through me to better each situation I have been in-NOT FOR ME-FOR OTHERS. And isn’t that what we want? To be servants of Christ??

I spent years trying to find my purpose and a preacher told me once (Mr. Donald) your purpose is to be a LIVING SACRIFICE. I didn’t know what that meant until JUST NOW!! To be a living sacrifice means that you sacrifice whatever it is for the greater good of SOMEONE else!! This life isn’t about us- it is about fulfilling God’s purpose THROUGH us! Selfishly we think "well it is about us, why do I always have to suffer because of someone else?" How much did Christ suffer and he is GOD’S SON?? You don’t have to live with a defeated attitude. God promises us our hearts desire but to get there you must travel a course that isn’t so pretty sometimes. You don’t have to be perfect but isn’t your goal to become "Christ-like?" In that way of thinking you will then find comfort in knowing that your sufferings are only for a moment. God WILL bless those who seek his face. I struggle with that too living in the NOW as we all do but be patient-your time is coming.
MY time is coming~Satan will always think he’s won as each day passes and I continue to get beat down by the most preposterous things but as difficult and inconsistant, at time torturous and frightening my life has been I’M STILL HERE!!! I’m still fighting my way out-I’m still strong and I still BELIEVE with all my heart that good things WILL come to me.
Call me crazy but God has promised me a life of ABUNDANCE!! What would become of me if I believed that my blessings were only gained in heaven? I would quit-TRUST ME-but God has work to be done through me and until that work is finished I must STAND! God is constantly molding us-shaping us into HIS image. That takes a lot of work especially someone like me. Years of anger, pain, self-inflicting notions the list goes on and on-it didn’t take a day to get here so what does that tell you??

I challenge every reader to stand with me-I DARE you to live with a passion for life! I dare you to BELIEVE that something GOOD is going to happen to you today-you say well it didn’t-then believe it tomorrow-well Vic it didn’t AGAIN-then BELIEVE IT AGAIN!!! Believe-believe-believe!!! Look the devil dead square in the eye and tell him "Devil I WILL OUT LAST YOU!!!!" I’m still here and I’m not going anywhere I WILL OUT LAST YOU!!!! "Me and the devil-we had a tussle, BUT I WON-me and the devil, we had a tussle but I won-me and the devil we did agree-I hate the devil and the devil hates me-Me and the devil we had a tussle-BUT I WON!!" This song was written and sung by Jesse Duplantis-simple but powerful!Anyway I’m done-lol I know this was long but you guys know I can’t shorten anything!! LOL HA!!! LOVE!!

May We Never Forget The Words Of A Child

Father I am in awe of the way you work and the humbling spirit you place in us in times like these. Lord that you would place so much love in our hearts that the children we have been entrusted with will learn that this type of love can only come from you.
Lord that they see your glory in the face of adversity and that we fail them not but in fact build them up and may prayer and supplication be our guide.
That it is your face we seek when we become discouraged or overwhelmed. That you show us love through the eyes of a child and may we never forget the innocence in these children, all of them.
That we do not take for granted the opportunity set before us to draw closer to you. That we see family as what it is and unite as one for the greater good of our children. May we always remember the face of Benjamin and the tears that they weep-may we be reminded of how blessed we truly are.

When coming to you may we remember that your will is what we seek, not our timing or OUR way but that we know without a doubt that we are following the demands of the King of Kings.

That our prayers reach you and the answers come so boldly that to deny them could never be an option. Lord that doors will open where you will lead and allow us the honor to remain in your favor.

Allow us to speak with purity and compassion-allow us to become life changing through our example to Brayley, Jayden, Isaiah, Isabella, Anne Elise and Madison. That these 6 children who have been given to us by you know that they are loved beyond what we ourselves can offer-allow your spirit to lead. Let us fail them not Lord-fail them NOT!!
Let us teach them your way and not our own, allow them to realize that with each prayer they speak and we speak together that it is one more moment closer to you. Let us be their father and mother's that YOU designed us to be but let them know that no matter who we are to them YOU are so much more!

Let your love fill our home and may we never forget what we have in each other. Let the material things we strive for be replaced with the ability to love more than we ever have. Let us not be guarded Father-and humble us in spirit-"Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy, but Christ comes so that we may know life and live it more abundantly!" May we NEVER forget the words of a child!!!

Faith-Hope and Love

I was reading last night and went upstairs to pray for a little bit~I went back downstairs and thought to write. I began with a prayer-through this prayer I began writing the answers I had been looking for and I wanted to share them with you~








Dear Heavenly Father

Lord I re-committed myself to you not long ago. I promised myself that I would trust in you and walk with you accordingly. The process of change has proven to be very difficult and challenging to say the least. All the things I've held on to in times past I am learning to let go of.
Forgiveness has been something I have embraced but the day to day questions, issue's, and going's on around me have weighed me down and I have yet to learn how to release these things to you thus causing build up to occur and focusing ever so strongly on man.
In doing that I have been let down in so many ways and in being let down I have become angry, frustrated and overwhelmed.

I have allowed circumstance to stir up anger and I have allowed negativity to open doors I worked so hard on closing.

I'm still here and it didn't take 1 or 4 years to recognize (by asking) what is happening. For that I thank you. I feel you pulling me back and telling me you are with me even through the most difficult times and my own ignorance that has continuously pulled me back and forth.

Thank you for being consistent and allowing me to remain consistent. Thank you for loving me through my disappointments and this anger that I have chosen to bottle up over the last week.

I want so badly to belong Lord.
I want so badly to work in an environment that is pleasing to you. Where the talents you gave me are used for your glory and that in the process of teaching and the children learning that the people I work for acknowledge you for what you are and I for what I am through you.
I long for friendships joined together by a bond of mutual love and respect for you. I want to be surrounded of followers of God. It seems just as close as I cane, I came even closer to realizing it was a lie. That hurts me Father. Why is it so difficult to obtain this? How do people lie for the sake of self gratification and when the towers begin to crumble they crumble with them instead of holding on and drawing closer to you and each other. How do we not honor you in everything?

I get so tired of being disappointed but I thank you for always being who you say you are. There is no disappointment in you.

Lord that you would just help me solely believe in you and not be so quick to believe in others. This way when I am let down I won't be so shocked and fueled by anger of another loss.

I have realized however that is good to have fellowship but if it takes me away even slightly from you then it is not of you and fellowship is nothing without you as the head.
My faith cannot be in man but in you and trusting someone else's word is fine as long as it lines up with yours and I proceed with caution. Trusting your word is where our empowerment lies.

~Thank you for helping me understand~

The lessons I have learned hav e been difficult as the process took a while to comprehend. The instant I asked you for an answer, my answers came not a second later and I find solace in knowing that you have just been waiting for me to ask.
Nothing brings me greater joy than to know without a doubt that I can lean on you, I can ask you questions and I don't have to understand everything on my own. You want me to seek answers through you no matter how little they may seem.
The more I rely on you for little everyday things the easier the bigger things will be and the smaller one's won't get so big and out of control.
Help me learn how to release everything in between and take from all of this what you have shown me.

Allow me to walk in Monday morning and stand firm on what you have shown me and my growth in you.
Help me remember what you intended for me to learn and lean on you no matter what falls in around me.
Allow me to walk in refreshed and blessed, trusting and knowing that you will be with me.

Maybe pulling me out of that hallway that I became so attached to was a blessing in disguise, maybe it was for my benefit to be placed in another hallway with true followers of Christ. Considering all I have learned from each individual it seems as if this were in fact the reasoning and you knew it all along.

It's funny how the one person who is left joining me full time is the one who claims to love you the most and the one who did not allow anger to consume her therefore causing her to speak negatively or harshly and the other's have simply faded out. Hmmmm funny how that works...:)

Thank you Father-thank you so much for loving me enough to help me as I fight through change and as I draw closer to you. Thank you for that sparkle in my eye once I take the time to truly get it and acknowledge what is at work here.
Thank you for your unfailing love and dedication to your sons and daughter's in Christ. I love you Father~Amen

Under His Blanket

"The battle is not ours; the battle is of the Lord!"










The last week has been a challenge for me. It's amazing how life doesn't change around you but the peace you maintain is the complete opposite of what you are use to.

I have had several ups and downs that could have easily distracted me from the Word of God and yet I am standing under his blanket still. God is good!

You must know these are normalcies I face on a daily basis however recognizing the attack of the enemy is imperative when adversity strikes.

I was approached by two people this last week who are both facing severe depression. They are both very close to my heart and both spoke very clearly of there views in regard to life and clear on there views of wanting to leave this life. I could feel my heart break as I listened to both of them speak. Depression is an intense emotion fueled by anger, fear, resentment, pride, hopelessness and loss.

In February of last year I lost a very close friend of mine to suicide. He had a wife and a young daughter who in fact found his lifeless body and have had to deal with this memory embedded in there mind for the last year. At his funeral these 2 people in which I speak had a clearer picture of the after math that suicide leaves when this decision is made. However the more Satan attacks your mind the more what you once saw doesn't really take heed.

I have been approached with this before by the same two people and both times I reacted in a way that almost cost me my sanity. I immediately ran to there aid and attempted to save them. I took there pain personally and desperately felt that if they passed somehow it would be my fault if I simply chose to stand still.

This time my reaction was different. I began to pray-I asked God to cover them and pleaded the blood over there homes, there family's and there lives. I begged God for peace and asked him to help me prepare for what was coming next.
I spoke in great detail to both of them and attempted to reach them on a different level.

I was asked a question that made everything make perfect sense to me and the question was "so that's all I can do is pray and hold on?" How amazing is it to trust in God on any given day but when adversity strikes we doubt his capabilities. We tell ourselves that there must be something we can do when what is best is to let go and allow God the opportunity to move in there life. We are not letting go because we don't care or love these people we are giving them over to the only person able in every angle to save them. God moves beyond our capabilities and when there is a life or lives hanging in the balance we must trust fully that God is able. You aren't letting go so they can die, your letting go so they will live! You have to believe and abide by faith.

I have seen the destruction that suicide leaves behind and I have seen the destruction of carrying that burden. I have also seen the peace and the miracles that take place by letting go. We are powerless but in Christ we possess the ability to hide under the blanket of protection and in that power is given.

The only way we can fail each other is to fail God. The only way to allow Satan to attack you is to stand alone and refuse to see his efforts as what they are. What they are is a distraction; it is a distraction to keep you so buried in worry and anxiety over the what ifs that God takes a back seat until you figure out how to solve this "your" way. It isn't your puzzle to solve. It isn't anything we can control. Life and death is not our choice it is God's choice.

I feel guilty almost for feeling this way but I know in my heart that I cannot change what God has predestined.

All I can do is hold you and tell you it is going to be ok. Attempt to love you past your pain and know in my heart that by faith you were saved at the cross and hold on to that fact with every thing in my soul. I have to think past myself and what I see and know without a shadow of a doubt that God is taking care of everything. It isn't in what you see it is in what you don't.

Lord help me find peace in every situation. Lord that you cover these two lives under your blanket of protection. That you take every ounce of negativity and you discard it from there minds. That you begin to heal them from the inside out. Reveal yourself to them in full form and show them how special and unique they truly are. Allow them to feel love like never before and without doubt. Love them past there pain and show them which area's of there life you can use for your glory. Deliver them father from the chains of depression and fill them with peace. Cover them Father and enrich them with your mercy and grace. Be there light in a world covered in darkness and help us be a positive tool in there life. Lord take any doubts that we may have or hidden fear of loss and replace it with faith and hope. Help those of us standing in prayer to only speak life when referring to these precious two and give us the authority in you to stand against anything negative coming in. Lord allow us to help where needed and let go when commanded. Show us how to make that distinction. I thank you for answering us in our time of need. I thank you for allowing us peace in our own lives so that we may better serve you in assisting other's. "Where two or more are gathered in your name there you will be in the midst of them." Lord we come together and we stand under the authority of Jesus Christ, we humble ourselves before your throne and we bind anything not of you in these two lives~we loose the spirit of peace and a sound mind. Lord "let your light so shine before men that they may see your works and glorify our Father which is in heaven." In Your name I pray~Amen

Testing Of Faith

James 1:3

"For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything."

When I made the decision whole heartedly to follow the will of God I knew that there would be several obstacles that would either separate me or draw me closer.

I have always been a person moved by what I feel and cling to what I see. This way of thinking has cost me tremendously in my life. I have realized that following God's will and seeking his purpose, trusting in him and abiding by faith is a road that I must choose every single day.

I am learning gradually to recognize negativity as what it is and choosing to stand against it.

When I got in my car yesterday I received a phone call telling me my Uncle had passed away. I felt a saddening, heart wrenching pull at my gut. When I realized that my father had received this news by word of mouth and not directly from his family I could immediately feel his pain. I quickly went from being saddened to lying to myself as if this were something that didn't bother me and I could feel myself preparing to hide these emotions.

I came home, wrote a little in my blog and then received another phone call. This call was a little more intense. My center had been closed down. As most of you know we just opened on Monday, new staff, new children and this was the last thing we needed. I could feel myself begin to question what was going on and then I again just figured I would throw it aside and act as if I were not affected.

At around 9:00 I began feeling anxious. I was sick to my stomach and didn't really know what was going on. I told myself I must have eaten something that upset my stomach and I went to bed.

This morning I woke up and read my email. It wasn't until that very moment that I began to realize a little bit of truth.

There will always be something. Whether it is death, circumstance, decisions, burden, etc. there will always be something used in your life that will either draw you closer or pull you away from God. God doesn't want us to pretend we don't feel or attempt to handle every situation as if it did not occur. In fact he wants us to use those moments to lean on Him and look to Him for comfort. He wants us to feel, he wants our honesty, but most of all he wants us to trust that He is greater than circumstance. I don't know what the reasons are for trials and tribulations but I do know that if it draws me closer to the Lord than I am still blessed. "walk THROUGH the valley" not around it or under it, beside it or above it, through it. It is God's grace and mercy that brings you out of that pit and it is Him who sustains you in your weakness.

I am so grateful that I am beginning to recognize the attacks of the enemy and I am even more grateful to have gained the recognition that Satan has NO power over me. "NO weapons formed against me shall prosper" and what an honor to be able to stand even in the midst of turmoil and cling to the Lord believing in Him and trusting that even when the storm is raging there is still peace.

A Moment Of Confusion

Confusion is one of those things that happens more often than not especially when you have made a decision to follow the Word of God.
I would like to share with you what has been going on the last few days.

I just recently began a new job and my time has been very limited. I am working 12 hour days and by the time I get home I am dragging. I have maintained my praise and worship time with God but it hasn't felt like enough. I said a prayer on my way to work and apologized for being so busy and not being able to devote every single moment to Him. Before I end every prayer my words are as follows "O that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory."
I do have to say that my employers have been gracious enough to not only consider but encourage all of us to be ourselves. They have welcomed my beliefs with open arms and are allowing me to implement God through prayer and music where my class is concerned. I have been blessed immensely by this opportunity.
I was approached on Sunday with a family who is Russian. There child speaks broken English, must maintain a diet only by Russian standards and his parents are Atheist.
As all of you know I am renewing my walk with God that I have missed out on most of my life. When I was confronted with this I was also reminded that if one parent said I had to take Christianity out of my class then that was the way it was.
I immediately felt a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. I began praying and while I was doing so my boss returned and said "I need to know if we need to send this child to another class by 2:30 tomorrow afternoon."
Judgment was the very first thing I felt. How could they? I asked. How could you raise your child without the knowledge of Christ and then tell me I am not allowed to continue in my own beliefs? I was angry and then confused. I came home and called my brother and my sister in law and then spoke with my husband. I didn't really get the answer I was looking for until about 3:30 this afternoon. An hour after I was to reveal my answer to this little boy's family.

This is my answer:

What a blessing-what an honor it is to be given an opportunity to touch not only this little boys life but the life of his family and friends. What an enormous amount of trust God must have in me that he would place this little boys life in mine at a time that is crucial to both of us.
We spend so much time being angry and pointing fingers and yet we are no better. Because he spoke the words, " I am an atheist" I immediately judged him and his child. Although I am not an atheist I have not raised my child the way God has commanded us in his word and I am no better.
Who am I to stand in judgment? I am a child of God and you lead by example. I don't have to Bible beat anyone into believing the way I do, all I have to do is pray and trust that God will show me how to care for this little boy.
His family may be led and they may not but what an honor to know that for a brief moment in this child's life he was sent to someone who does know God and can show him how special and how loved he truly is. Everything happens for a reason and if you just trust in Him, he will give you the answer's you are looking for. He will enrich your life and he will bless other's through you if you just put yourself aside for one moment and see other's through God's eyes~maybe then you will truly get it~"O that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my territory!"

A Wise Woman By Definition

"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34






~When a wise woman speaks, she gives reason for the hope that is within her.
When a wise woman speaks, she knows that timing is important.
When a wise woman speaks, she tells the truth.
When a wise woman speaks, she doesn't talk to much.
When a wise woman speaks, her words are gracious.~

I am working on this today. It is so overwhelming all of this. As precious and sweet this journey has become it is a very fragile relationship of honesty and truth.
I want to just stand on top of the highest mountain and say I AM ON MY WAY but the truth is I'm only beginning. I must be cautious and give glory to God in all things. Yes, I am inspired, yes I am so in love but this is an intimate time and sometimes just being still and quiet is the best way to speak. Sometimes it is best to just listen and not be heard.

Lord that I may glorify YOU, that I may be an example but only if it is in your will at that exact moment. Lord allow my change to be noticeable that my words may be few and your light will show thoroughly through me. May I be heard not by my words but my actions. May the people who read realize that this isn't me who is writing but you through me. That I remain humbled before your throne and never ever forget who you are in me.
"Let YOUR light so shine before men that they may see YOUR works and glorify our Father, which is in heaven!!"

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the mental, and/or spiritual process of ceasing to feel resentment, indignation or anger against another person for a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution[

~I want to share my journey with you~

Please know that I am not perfect. Every step I take is a new experience for me. My walk with God is very important and I am finally taking a stand, reaching out and choosing to change.
This is a very refreshing moment in my life and I want to embrace every ounce of love and acceptance that I feel at this very moment.
I have never felt God so strong in my life as I do at this very moment. I am finding out what being in love truly means as I venture out of the darkness of my life and into a new light.

~Today I want to share with you what this day entailed for me~

I spent all day just worshiping God-being under this blanket of praise and worship it has been the most intimate, uplifting and gratifying feeling. I feel his love in depth~I can feel his presence so strong in my soul.

I must be honest in saying that although I feel such passion I still feel the physical effects of my addictions. I have chosen freedom from these chains that have binded me for years. As strong as the physical effects have been-the passion in my soul and the yearning in my soul for change is so profound. Make no mistake this is very difficult.
Letting go allows room for freedom but it also forces you to deal with reality-a reality I have spent years trying to forget.

Forgiveness has always appeared to have come easy for me. I am finding that I said the words but my heart and my mind held on to that pain for dear life. This has crippled me. It has also taken me further away from God.
What I have noticed is that forgiving myself has been the hardest. I have buried myself in self afflicting notions because it felt better than the truth. The truth is I am a sinner. The truth is I am a liar, I am an addict, I am a number of things that bring shame to my heart! I feel an overwhelming need to truly repent before the throne of God and beg for mercy for choices that I so selfishly engaged in.
The best thing about this acknowledgment however is that I am FORGIVEN!! I am saved by the blood of the lamb. I am a new creation in Christ~Who I was yesterday is not who I am today; that is the greatest feeling in the world just to know that someone loves me so much that forgiveness is given not deserved! The wretched person that I have become over the years is being transformed and I am thankful beyond words!

"Create in me a CLEAN heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" Psalm 51:10

"Therefore having been justified by FAITH, we have PEACE with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we STAND; and we exult in HOPE of the glory of God.
And not only this, but we also exult in our TRIBULATIONS, knowing that the tribulation brings about perseverance;
and perseverance, proven character and proven character hope;
and hope does NOT disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was GIVEN to US."
Romans 5:1-5



There is a song that I have clung to these past few days and I can't think of anything that could best describe my experiences and where I am at this very moment~ "Cry Out To Jesus"
The very first day I played this over and over and just wept before God. In an instant I could feel this burden in my chest lift. The anxiety I have fought for almost a century was gone. It was the most amazing and shocking feeling I have experienced yet.

I am so excited as my journey continues~sometimes letting go is truly the only thing you have to do. God is transforming me every day into something beautiful and something pure. I cannot wait to see what God truly has in store for my life.