Faith-Hope and Love

I was reading last night and went upstairs to pray for a little bit~I went back downstairs and thought to write. I began with a prayer-through this prayer I began writing the answers I had been looking for and I wanted to share them with you~








Dear Heavenly Father

Lord I re-committed myself to you not long ago. I promised myself that I would trust in you and walk with you accordingly. The process of change has proven to be very difficult and challenging to say the least. All the things I've held on to in times past I am learning to let go of.
Forgiveness has been something I have embraced but the day to day questions, issue's, and going's on around me have weighed me down and I have yet to learn how to release these things to you thus causing build up to occur and focusing ever so strongly on man.
In doing that I have been let down in so many ways and in being let down I have become angry, frustrated and overwhelmed.

I have allowed circumstance to stir up anger and I have allowed negativity to open doors I worked so hard on closing.

I'm still here and it didn't take 1 or 4 years to recognize (by asking) what is happening. For that I thank you. I feel you pulling me back and telling me you are with me even through the most difficult times and my own ignorance that has continuously pulled me back and forth.

Thank you for being consistent and allowing me to remain consistent. Thank you for loving me through my disappointments and this anger that I have chosen to bottle up over the last week.

I want so badly to belong Lord.
I want so badly to work in an environment that is pleasing to you. Where the talents you gave me are used for your glory and that in the process of teaching and the children learning that the people I work for acknowledge you for what you are and I for what I am through you.
I long for friendships joined together by a bond of mutual love and respect for you. I want to be surrounded of followers of God. It seems just as close as I cane, I came even closer to realizing it was a lie. That hurts me Father. Why is it so difficult to obtain this? How do people lie for the sake of self gratification and when the towers begin to crumble they crumble with them instead of holding on and drawing closer to you and each other. How do we not honor you in everything?

I get so tired of being disappointed but I thank you for always being who you say you are. There is no disappointment in you.

Lord that you would just help me solely believe in you and not be so quick to believe in others. This way when I am let down I won't be so shocked and fueled by anger of another loss.

I have realized however that is good to have fellowship but if it takes me away even slightly from you then it is not of you and fellowship is nothing without you as the head.
My faith cannot be in man but in you and trusting someone else's word is fine as long as it lines up with yours and I proceed with caution. Trusting your word is where our empowerment lies.

~Thank you for helping me understand~

The lessons I have learned hav e been difficult as the process took a while to comprehend. The instant I asked you for an answer, my answers came not a second later and I find solace in knowing that you have just been waiting for me to ask.
Nothing brings me greater joy than to know without a doubt that I can lean on you, I can ask you questions and I don't have to understand everything on my own. You want me to seek answers through you no matter how little they may seem.
The more I rely on you for little everyday things the easier the bigger things will be and the smaller one's won't get so big and out of control.
Help me learn how to release everything in between and take from all of this what you have shown me.

Allow me to walk in Monday morning and stand firm on what you have shown me and my growth in you.
Help me remember what you intended for me to learn and lean on you no matter what falls in around me.
Allow me to walk in refreshed and blessed, trusting and knowing that you will be with me.

Maybe pulling me out of that hallway that I became so attached to was a blessing in disguise, maybe it was for my benefit to be placed in another hallway with true followers of Christ. Considering all I have learned from each individual it seems as if this were in fact the reasoning and you knew it all along.

It's funny how the one person who is left joining me full time is the one who claims to love you the most and the one who did not allow anger to consume her therefore causing her to speak negatively or harshly and the other's have simply faded out. Hmmmm funny how that works...:)

Thank you Father-thank you so much for loving me enough to help me as I fight through change and as I draw closer to you. Thank you for that sparkle in my eye once I take the time to truly get it and acknowledge what is at work here.
Thank you for your unfailing love and dedication to your sons and daughter's in Christ. I love you Father~Amen

Under His Blanket

"The battle is not ours; the battle is of the Lord!"










The last week has been a challenge for me. It's amazing how life doesn't change around you but the peace you maintain is the complete opposite of what you are use to.

I have had several ups and downs that could have easily distracted me from the Word of God and yet I am standing under his blanket still. God is good!

You must know these are normalcies I face on a daily basis however recognizing the attack of the enemy is imperative when adversity strikes.

I was approached by two people this last week who are both facing severe depression. They are both very close to my heart and both spoke very clearly of there views in regard to life and clear on there views of wanting to leave this life. I could feel my heart break as I listened to both of them speak. Depression is an intense emotion fueled by anger, fear, resentment, pride, hopelessness and loss.

In February of last year I lost a very close friend of mine to suicide. He had a wife and a young daughter who in fact found his lifeless body and have had to deal with this memory embedded in there mind for the last year. At his funeral these 2 people in which I speak had a clearer picture of the after math that suicide leaves when this decision is made. However the more Satan attacks your mind the more what you once saw doesn't really take heed.

I have been approached with this before by the same two people and both times I reacted in a way that almost cost me my sanity. I immediately ran to there aid and attempted to save them. I took there pain personally and desperately felt that if they passed somehow it would be my fault if I simply chose to stand still.

This time my reaction was different. I began to pray-I asked God to cover them and pleaded the blood over there homes, there family's and there lives. I begged God for peace and asked him to help me prepare for what was coming next.
I spoke in great detail to both of them and attempted to reach them on a different level.

I was asked a question that made everything make perfect sense to me and the question was "so that's all I can do is pray and hold on?" How amazing is it to trust in God on any given day but when adversity strikes we doubt his capabilities. We tell ourselves that there must be something we can do when what is best is to let go and allow God the opportunity to move in there life. We are not letting go because we don't care or love these people we are giving them over to the only person able in every angle to save them. God moves beyond our capabilities and when there is a life or lives hanging in the balance we must trust fully that God is able. You aren't letting go so they can die, your letting go so they will live! You have to believe and abide by faith.

I have seen the destruction that suicide leaves behind and I have seen the destruction of carrying that burden. I have also seen the peace and the miracles that take place by letting go. We are powerless but in Christ we possess the ability to hide under the blanket of protection and in that power is given.

The only way we can fail each other is to fail God. The only way to allow Satan to attack you is to stand alone and refuse to see his efforts as what they are. What they are is a distraction; it is a distraction to keep you so buried in worry and anxiety over the what ifs that God takes a back seat until you figure out how to solve this "your" way. It isn't your puzzle to solve. It isn't anything we can control. Life and death is not our choice it is God's choice.

I feel guilty almost for feeling this way but I know in my heart that I cannot change what God has predestined.

All I can do is hold you and tell you it is going to be ok. Attempt to love you past your pain and know in my heart that by faith you were saved at the cross and hold on to that fact with every thing in my soul. I have to think past myself and what I see and know without a shadow of a doubt that God is taking care of everything. It isn't in what you see it is in what you don't.

Lord help me find peace in every situation. Lord that you cover these two lives under your blanket of protection. That you take every ounce of negativity and you discard it from there minds. That you begin to heal them from the inside out. Reveal yourself to them in full form and show them how special and unique they truly are. Allow them to feel love like never before and without doubt. Love them past there pain and show them which area's of there life you can use for your glory. Deliver them father from the chains of depression and fill them with peace. Cover them Father and enrich them with your mercy and grace. Be there light in a world covered in darkness and help us be a positive tool in there life. Lord take any doubts that we may have or hidden fear of loss and replace it with faith and hope. Help those of us standing in prayer to only speak life when referring to these precious two and give us the authority in you to stand against anything negative coming in. Lord allow us to help where needed and let go when commanded. Show us how to make that distinction. I thank you for answering us in our time of need. I thank you for allowing us peace in our own lives so that we may better serve you in assisting other's. "Where two or more are gathered in your name there you will be in the midst of them." Lord we come together and we stand under the authority of Jesus Christ, we humble ourselves before your throne and we bind anything not of you in these two lives~we loose the spirit of peace and a sound mind. Lord "let your light so shine before men that they may see your works and glorify our Father which is in heaven." In Your name I pray~Amen